A strange phenomenon happened while I was onstage at the Aux Dog theater on Sunday.

They have me start playing at 1pm, when the doors open, and when you first come in there is an art gallery and then the theater is all the way in the back. So I start playing at 1 when they open the doors, and there is nobody there yet... not even a sound guy...

But you never know if someone is going to walk around the corner... or if someone is listening in hiding...and if someone should walk in I don't want to be sitting there with my dick in hand...so I play.

But what songs do you play when you're all alone in a theater with an entire hour to kill and only an acoustic guitar?

I started out with E. E sounds good next to A occasionally, but only if you go back to E. Then you feel the urge...let's give it that blues feel...I'm feelin B. oh yeah!! Not just B, let's make it B7... mmmm that's good. But only if you go back to E again...

E eventually leads me into a Dylan cover off of Blood on the Tracks called "Buckets o Rain". After I was done I decided not to wait for applause, but continued right into the next tune. It was "Ship" a 5MS song (also in E). It was a brilliant performance if I do say so myself and I felt the momentum of a great show building.

Well... If nobody's listening why not do a few more covers? So I do an old Richie Havens tune and follow it up with "Don't Follow" by Alice in Chains. It's a sad tune, and I could see the walls and empty seats beginning to tear up. Next I did another sappy original tune. After I was finished I closed my eyes and imagined an audience in awe and unable to clap (a phenomenon I have experienced with 5MS as well).

What else? Well if nobody's there you gotta do a soul tune with the word "fuck" in it. That was pretty fun.

I played a few more tunes, repeating the parts I like playing over and over. Going to a B7 instead of a C here and there to change it up a bit. Wishing some hot chicks would walk in (naked). To no avail.

Finally, after a tune, I hear a voice coming at me from somewhere. I'm excited...Somebody's listening! maybe it's a fan! maybe its a hot naked chick!

"You've got one more" the male voice says stoically as it trails off back down toward the art gallery.

So, humbly, I start to pick another tune. I play for about 2 minutes and i'm just about to finish when, and I shit you not, 40 people walk in to the theater and begin to take their seats. By the time the voices have settled, my song is done and I leave the stage.

But, I would do it all over again. Fuck it. It's tunes, and maybe someday I won't have fingers and my voice will sound like a bullfrog and my dick won't work- so I might as well enjoy it while I can. And...I do, even if I am playing a show for no one.

Hey, that's show biz!
Right...?

not exactly the same situation, but our first crawl we played for no one. it was at 6 oclock. sure there were people in the bar... ya know... the bartenders. but you're right, what can you do? we played our 40 minutes or whatever, thanked the sound guy, broke down and the next band started setting up. it was a bummer to have to set up all our gear to play for absolutely no one, but what're you gonna do?

I liked your story. The only thing that comes to mind is "that's what you get."

quote:

not exactly the same situation, but our first crawl we played for no one. it was at 6 oclock. sure there were people in the bar... ya know... the bartenders.

Same here and we were trying to record a DVD that night too.

dude...that sucks. Well win some, lose some.

It could have been worse...

All your gear could have caught on fire, or you could have woken up next to a 500lb...well, I'll just keep that to myself.

filthy.