So this year's SXSW fiasco was much as last year's with a couple of exceptions:

1) Our beloved parking spot was off limits because our tour van had no reverse and we had to push start it too, so we couldn't park anywhere that we couldn't turn around and certainly not facing even slightly uphill! We found a place nearby, but the street was busy and our van was watched constantly from across East 6th St by a group of people living on some concrete steps to nowhere. They would alternately read the paper and roll around half conscious. When it rained (as it often did) they would sit covered in sheets of plastic. We nevre felt comfortable leaving our gear inside. From now on, we're taking the smelly dogs.

2) Seems like wherever there was a band playing, there was another band just in the next room playing LOUDER. This was a BAD PLAN. Two bands playing at the same time, in the same building, with not even a door separating them was... um.... distracting? Disconcerting? Annoying? How about totally disrespectful to the bands and to the audience? I am feeling this way also about the District Bar with their indoor/outdoor stage nonsense. Please! Get a clue!

3) The pigs were even more out-of-control. While busking on 6th Street on March 16th, a small scuffle broke out right next to us as a too-drunk-girl bumped into a guy and then yelled at him like it was his fault. The guy was disgusted and yelled back. An even drunker skinny kid... doubtfully old enough to drink... leaped to her defense and when the disgusted guy laughed at him, the kid began to throw some lame ass punches into the guy's chest. The disgusted guy just stood there and laughed at the poor scrawny kid with these beautiful long golden locks as he flailed pointlessly. Finally, the kid got in a good one and the cops saw it... they rushed in like a freight train and slammed the kid into the chain link fence behind us. They took him down and as the confused and terrified kid clung desperately to the cops leg, the pig smashed his knee into the kids face with brute force again, and again, and again, and again.... the kids face was pulp. I would be surprised if he had a nose left. We couldn't just stand by, I jumped on the pig and began lashing him with my drumsticks, Martin came in too and the rest of the crowd all came in to pull the vicious pig off the poor, dumb-drunk, pulverized kid. Another pig pulled out the mace and hit me in the mouth and Martin in the face. Everyone fell back and the pigs took away the hamburger kid and the disgusted guy. Then the pigs spent 45 minutes trying to convince us that they weren't out-of-line.

4) If only we had video footage of the incident! We could give those pigs what they deserved! Unfortunately, minutes before, our video camera was stolen from the place where it hung on the fence behind us.

5) After that, we found a great busking spot where the pigs don't venture... a nether world of Austin's down and out retches. The steps in front of The Driscoll Hotel (the oldest hotel in Texas... built on the blood, flesh and hides of cattle, I am told) was a spot teaming with seedy life. A colorful, ancient character in a tie-dye top hat conducted passersby in his shabby coat of tails as an orchestra leader might look down their nose at an out of time flautist; a now gnarled toothless love child was selling roses in a dirty five gallon bucket; a red and shiny crumpled drunk with a mean little cute-as-hell dog on a fat rope was ruling the roost and alternately hugging and fighting with his sketched out, wild eyed, bandanna clad partner (who eventually pulled a knife, effectively killing the surreal party); a mohawked "punk rocker" was yelling from a balcony above to "play No FX" while Martin yelled back that none of our songs use effects... "here's another NO EFFECTS song!" Later, the boy politely apologized and I reminded him that he was a punk rocker and instead of apologizing he should be spitting at us or something and it turns out he was in the military and then I had to remind him about Anarchy and explain why it was our only hope. Poor punks of today. They need to listen to more Sex Pistols.

6) We sneaked into "The High Times Showcase" saying we were the nominal Austin band "The White Ghost Shivers" with our friend Charlie -from another nominal Austin band, "'The Asylum Street Spankers". Great snack tray and party favors!

7) We hung out a lot with "The Suburbanoid Fatties" and talked about veggie oil conversions for our buses, growing food, worm beds, and how there are so many bad bands who will play for free that it's hard for a good band to get paid anymore.

8) We never made it to FXFU or Big Bend National Park or Marfa, TX for the Mystery Lights this time cuz poor Martin had another real bad tummy-ache!

Some things were the same as last year:

a) Of God And Science still rocked the night!
b) Many locals still went away to escape the swell for the week;
c) There were so damn many bands to see it made us want to go to sleep.

Question:
Why do I need a question?

Choices:
Because this is stupid.
Because I don't know why.

 

Tales from the underbelly of SXSW. Sounds like you won't soon forget that trip. Well done!

rule # 1: Never tour in a VW bus

A VW bus is the only way to tour! Any other van would have been at the mechanic instead of limping around and getting us everywhere we needed to be!