above the sound board at work i have a little sign i was moved to make after one too many stupid experiences with dumbass bands .

it reads :

REMEMBER: BE AN ASSHOLE RIGHT AWAY SO WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER.

as i have stated in the past, some touring (and local) bands really don't seem to want to be touring or playing clubs or anything other than being bitches.

EXAMPLE : in my one year tenure at the AC i have been witness to at least 24 NO SHOWS by touring and other acts.

why do you book something if you do not care to even let the club know you don't care?

do they think that none of these bars communicate amongst themselves and that word will not get around about this horseshit?

it is not only touring acts that have serious issues when it comes to being professional and/or even slightly respectful.

there are certain bands that set up their gear IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM 30 or 40 minutes before their set.
i certainly appreciate the initiative to be prepared, ( though it usually still takes them forever to set up onstage )
but why do they want to eat all of the audience area with their shit strewn about all slapdash?

do they not realise that it is a shitty thing to do to the band that is playing at that time to occupy the floor that people would be standing in during their set?

these are usually the same dipshits that see the LARGE YELLOW LINE that indicates where gear should never cross, then they set their shit just past that line.

YEAH, DUDE ! YOU ARE THE EPITOME OF THE ROCK AND ROLL REBEL, DOUCHEBAG!

who hasn't been in a bar when the 3 or 4 man Fire Marshall team comes in and walks back and forth through the club just before browbeating the M.O.D. over some little fucking thing that they CAN and often DO write a ticket for the bar?

i can assure you that those guys need to prove they are working just like the traffic cop.

so, bottom line is:
STAY THE FUCK OUT OF THE FIRE EXIT AREA, GENIUS.

we know there is plenty of room to get around your 12pc drum kit, but that is not the point.

authorities are there to keep us in line, and when we step out of place, we get smacked back...REGARDLESS of whether or not it is a bullshit complaint. THEY have the power.

it is in your best interest to try to make the club owner/manager/staff 's job easier, NOT HARDER.

DON'T come into the club 20 minutes before your set to "check in" after you have been slamming shots at the titty bar.
communication is key, and what you are communicating is that you do not respect the venue giving you a platform enough to let them know you are not flaking.

DON'T warm up onstage.
no one wants to hear you play along with metallica on the jukebox, including your bandmates. soundcheck is the only time you should make a peep before your set.

it never ceases to amaze me when someone sets up their shit, does a level/sound check, is given the OK on it, then goes to get a drink, THEN COMES BACK TO NOODLE SOME MORE.

this is the epitome of AMATEUR. i usually tell them "yeah, i remember my first gig, but don't play over the walk-in music"
its great when they get mad about that, too.
PRO ALL THE WAY.

DON'T get pissy when you are given a slot that you feel is not worthy of your band. It is undoubtedly out of the hands of whoever you are being a dick to about it, but how you come across to the crowd IS often up to them.

DON'T flaunt your rebel cool by refusing to comply with simple requests like NO OUTSIDE DRINKS. This should be obvious to anyone that has lived in NM for 2 weeks, yet the guys from Cruces are always put out by it- "dude, its just Coke!"
we don't care, and i can assure you,
NEITHER DOES S.I.D.

DON'T keep your gear on stage until 5 til 2. by law, we have to be empty of all but employees by 2a.m.

also

DON'T play 3 more songs after you are told ONE more. sure, your fans will think that is "totally awesome" that you "stuck it to the man" , except that we are not the man, and you have not been paid yet, genius.

the bartender is who S.I.D. looks at when a law is broken, and when he has assholes playing all the way up until 1:50, the thought of a hefty fine is likely heavy in his mind.

a lot of these agencies are just looking for an excuse to fuck us out of our ability to do business.
that means LIQUOR LICENSE, for those of you that aren't paying attention.

they cost more than your house and they aren't making more of them.

finally, if you are a touring band, PLEASE recognise that you WILL be coming back through even the shittiest of shitholes, so don't fuck with the places that gave you the chance to do your thing.

oh, and finally,

DON'T lie to get gigs, and then piss and moan when you don't get the slot you want.

all of this stuff SHOULD be obvious, but here i am, once again stating what anyone with a brain should know.

quote:

Originally posted by s'wait and bitch:
all of this stuff SHOULD be obvious, but here i am, once again stating what anyone with a brain should know.

Well, it sounds like you've determined that they don't know (or in some cases, don't care). So that that into account.

Stuff that will bring down the wrath of the fire marshal or S.I.D. probably needs to be explicitly and verbally (don't assume they can or will bother to read signs) communicated. Just make it clear to them that it's not so much the venue's policy, as The Man's policy, and that you're just trying to cover your ass. If they do this dumb shit after that, then treat 'em as truly hostile (rather than obliviously inconsiderate) and pull the plug, don't pay 'em, etc.

People are dumb. There a lot of obliviously inconsiderate people out there, and it's mostly stupidity rather than malice. I bet most of the time, if you give 'em a clue, they'll straighten up. But then, I'm an optimist. ;-)

Bands should also make sure to talk to thier girlfriends (probably the only ones that watched the set) for as long as possible after they are done playing. DO NOT worry about getting your gear off the stage for the next band to set up.

quote:

Originally posted by DaveFame:
Bands should also make sure to talk to thier girlfriends (probably the only ones that watched the set) for as long as possible after they are done playing. DO NOT worry about getting your gear off the stage for the next band to set up.

Hold up: this isn't the band's fault. No matter how much time you spend explaining the etiquette of stage politics, and boasting of your breakdown speed/importance thereof, your girl/girls will always want to make sure they are seen by the other girls laying their claim. This is true even when the girls can read signs and even for the ugliest and least talented dudes, and I should know (and it's true for ladies on stage with fellas in the crowd as well). Not trying to defend those who can't set-up/teardown, I hate them, I just can't hold them accountable for the actions of others.

But I'm with the rest of it.

Sounds like the easiest thing to do would be changing policy and get rid of bands.

Just go with a jukebox/mp3 player thing.

Or better yet----a spelling bee. Stu could read out the words and all the spelling pros here could be judges.

I mean, does anybody really go to these clubs to see bands?

s'wait and bitch SMASH!

quote:

Originally posted by DaveFame:
Bands should also make sure to talk to their girlfriends (probably the only ones that watched the set) for as long as possible after they are done playing. DO NOT worry about getting your gear off the stage for the next band to set up.

funny thing is, this is one of my biggest problems w/bands as well, drummers that break down their kit onstage. i dunno how i forgot to include that in my rant.

and gordy, the music industry is sinking itself fast enough without those that are trying to keep MUSIC (at least) alive making points (although sarcastically) that will further escalate the end. i think i am just getting old, but my wry sense of humor seems to die a little more every time i look at TV.

between CGI and GUITAR HERO type horse shit i give the entertainment industry MAYBE 5 to 10 years before everyone will just stay home and make their own fictional VH1 behind the ballsack specials.

oh, and i don't fare so well in drunken spelling bees.

as for SMASH,
i never really related to the Hulk... i was more of a spider man kid.

Or how 'bout when the opening band approaches you around 10 and says, "Um, hi, I was wondering if you guys would want to switch slots. We have some friends that can't show up til later. You guys wanna play first."*

"Ah, really? Gee, thats rough. Ya know what? Sure. I'd love to switch slots and open for a pearl jam cover band**. I mean, I did haul all my shit down here, planning on playing a good time slot, but I'd hate it if yer pop-collared, dumb white college kid friends missed yer set! Here, have my drink tickets, too; they'll just get me drunk and giggly."


* Only happened to us once, but still......

** They actually covered all kinds of shite, including pearl jam and ratm.

quote:

Originally posted by s'wait and bitch:
...and gordy, the music industry is sinking itself fast enough without those that are trying to keep MUSIC (at least) alive making points (although sarcastically) that will further escalate the end. i think i am just getting old, but my wry sense of humor seems to die a little more every time i look at TV.
...

Well geez,I thought the sarcasm would fit right in to a thread entitled REMEMBER:BE AN ASSHOLE That and the fact that when I got into music--specifically Underground (Punk, Jazz, StonerRock, AltCountry and whatnot)-- it was because from my point of view, the Music Industry was already dead. (Or at least smelled pretty bad.) I'm further perplexed on how a jackass post suggesting getting rid of bands in order to placate an understandably perturbed soundman could be construed into anything other than that: a jackass post.

Without any sort of militant Stage Manager at the venues, I agree that the lack of manners, ego fufillment and plain old cluelessness is a major problem for multiple bill gigs as far as this subject goes.

What's the answer?

A "Black List" circulated amongst venues/soundmen that would warn both venue and band? The same list used to count "violations" committed by the bands and subsequently resulting in banishment/time-out for a set number of violations?

A "Set-Up/Break-Down Olympics"? Giving preference to bands that "make the cut"? Required "Gig Sensitivity/Manners" course and certification. No gig unless you have passed and hold a certification?

I don't fucking know. At least in the grand old days of Punk Rock, vomiting, and/or tossing a band like you discribed equipment off the stage, was somewhat viable.

And yeah s'wait and bitch, you are getting old. But I will always be older and I will always love you (in a manly-hetro way).

Fuck The Music Industry.
Fuck T.V.

and especially,

Fuck Me.

will someone please post the "grumble, grumble, grumble..." sticker that was made of stu?

well gordy, i knew what you meant, i just would love to see people here(abq) take things a little more seriously, (not that i do not make bad jokes at every opportunity) but a lot of these bands put "everything" into their band, then get to the gig where they are supposed to really shine and show all of their hard work, then they just show how stupid and immature they are.

and NO, i do not frown on partying, getting "happy" or any other thing, i just expect them to see it as a professional transaction that is taking place.

the soundguy is getting paid, and wants things to go well, regardless of whether the bands suck or not.

the bartender is getting paid, but wants the bar to do well, also regardless of the above.

the doorguy ... etc.

bands that come in and act like they are doing THEM a favor are the problem.

the douches that get pissy that they only get 2 drinks comp'd, BUT DON'T TIP need to understand that servers' wages are close to a third of minimum wage, and that too many regular customers tip for shit already.

so why give attitude to someone that is taking care of you ON TOP OF not throwing a lil something their way?

why get pissed when you are carded at the door?
yeah, we know you, but NM demands that you have proof of i.d. to get in the door, it is not our policy.

because you are a selfish dick, that's what i say.

gordy knows more about all of these things, (except maybe the tip thing, i dunno)
and he has probably swung the full range of emotions that i am facing now, so i must defer to him.

all i meant was it would be nice if SOMEONE ELSE would mention these things so i do not have to come in here every 2 or 3 months venting (so that i don't end up unemployed or in a booby hatch) and sounding like more of an asshole than i am.

as for the headline REMEMBER: BE AN ASSHOLE

i mean it.

if you are going to be a prick, do it right away, or i may mistake you for a real musician trying to do your job



.

check this out from the alibi blog ... telltale signs that you're an asshole

quote:

Or how 'bout when the opening band approaches you around 10 and says, "Um, hi, I was wondering if you guys would want to switch slots. We have some friends that can't show up til later. You guys wanna play first."*

yeah we've heard that one



i also hate when touring bands act like pricks. They treat you like you're a just a burden to them. no better example was fu manchu... a band i have liked for years but they were the absolute biggest douche bags we have ever played with. they had the biggest stuck-up, rockstar attitude of any band we have ever shared the stage with. fuck those guys ... i mean, who's been pumping your show locally for the last 3 months????? maybe they were just having a bad day but i seriously regretted not punching their singer in the face when i tried to talk to him behind the launchpad. fucking california surf snob pussies



another annoyance is as soon as you're done the next band starts piling all their shit all over the stage areas, making it tougher for you to get your shit off stage... give the prev. band a few minutes to get their shit together and get off the stage before you get up there or you're just getting in the way!!! the cool bands will help and reach for your drums and amps from the floor and help you get them off stage. it also helps you get off in just a matter of minutes rather than just getting in the way.

WHEN SOUNDMEN ERUPT!
RUDE DUDES BOOED BY STUE!
SO YOU WANNA BE A ROCK AND ROLL STAR?!
What has this once proud music scene come to?
When technical peons can dictate the flow of a person's artistic expression we are all truly doomed. I don't know who this ack-jay ass-ay or what ever his name is thinks he is, but we artistes must stand against his ignorant twaddle!
If I need to warm up my mind, body and soul before I expose my innermost secrets to a drunken throng of drooling gawkers by beating something furiously before I get onstage then that is my right--I think that's called artistic liscence--isn't it? when I play my paradiddles I find a zenlike peace. Sometimes the priorities of the show really have to revolve around what makes me best able to perform during and after the set.
Why are soundmen such PRICKS? Geez, I think it would really be an honor to work with cool artistes and punkers for peanuts. You should probably have to pay a fee to work with some of the cool people you to get to meet. I think you are just jealous of talented people like myself that that rebel against what you represent. You are just like my mom bitch...bitch...bitch...I don't care if my clothes are wrinkled. I have to do it my way.
I heard that this "ASSHOLE" guy is playing drums at the Atomic wednesday night in the second band . I think all of my fellow artistes and repressed wanna-be stars ought to come out and show this fucker what it feels like to feel humiliated in front of a room full of people. I know that you cannot bring drinks into the bar but I think rotten produce is probably OK. Let all that have been slighted by this grumbling fucker come out and support each other. I say we declare wednesday night FUCK STUE DAY. This gig is gonna suck. We need to get as many witnesses to the debacle as possible. How can this knob-twiddler ever tell you or me anything after we've seen him exposed? You and your children will see massive suckage like never beheld in a 21-and up show. This Bart-knocker is our goose to cook. I'm going to record it and play it whenever I see him so he'll be reminded of his disgrace.
WANKERS UNITE!! WED DEC 5 @ AC...STUE'S MEAT!

quote:

Originally posted by s'wait and bitch:
...all i meant was it would be nice if SOMEONE ELSE would mention these things so i do not have to come in here every 2 or 3 months venting (so that i don't end up unemployed or in a booby hatch) and sounding like more of an asshole than i am...

O.K., I get it now. And I fully agree with you. You have to deal with it (almost) every time you go to work. I only see it when I go out or am playing. I was somewhat serious with some of those suggestions though. Actually I have no problem being the asshole and naming names from here on out. Maybe I will start a forum for just this subject. Soundfolks in town can either sound off (no pun intended) or can message me and I'll post the band/players, their violations and how much others such as soundmen and myself have little patience for lack of manners and courtesy.

I have spent countless hours of my day job's time posting here on the subject of how being able to perform one's original music in a venue--especially one that serves alcohol--is a privilege, and the venue and it's employees should be treated acordingly. As far as tipping and sensitivity to people who work in the service industry...my ability to "do the right thing" in that area, is one of the few things in my life I am fully confident of. Lousy or no-tippers are shitheads of the highest order, right up there with these "musicians" you speak of.


Hey Fuck-O! Get that shit off the stage! You aren't getting signed tonight!

quote:

Originally posted by black:
I was somewhat serious with some of those suggestions though. Actually I have no problem being the asshole and naming names from here on out. Maybe I will start a forum for just this subject. Soundfolks in town can either sound off (no pun intended) or can message me and I'll post the band/players, their violations and how much others such as soundmen and myself have little patience for lack of manners and courtesy.

Hey Fuck-O! Get that shit off the stage! You aren't getting signed tonight!

I like that idea for a forum, and that last line is gold!

once again black has spewed pure gold

It's also lame when you do another band a favor and they can't even be bothered to offer a simple "thanks".

quote:

Originally posted by MLX John:
It's also lame when you do another band a favor and they can't even be bothered to offer a simple "thanks".

Now I know you aren't talking about us, because we told Neb "thanks" after Brian borrowed his amp and proceded to blow it up.

quote:

It's also lame when you do another band a favor and they can't even be bothered to offer a simple "thanks".

Yeah, like the type that think they are just that good, so doing them a favor is a privledge for you.