Two great questions from one of Albuquerque's favorite crushes. The talented, smart and ridiculously lovely Ella/Unit7Drain.

Ella asks;
"How did you learn to comport yourselves with so much class around lame people who are in "the music industry" who promise to make your band "famous".?"

Well first, thank you Ella for not just your talent, but those positive words of confidence in regards to our comportment. Thanks!

This is a rather multi-faceted question who's answer is quite band/individual specific. For us, it's a combination of having been around the "underground" scene for a while. Our age and longevity has afforded us (well the older one's of us) the opportunity to witness and experience the phenomena you speak of, first hand. It is our experience that there are people, some in the "Industry", others not, or claiming to be, who are attracted to your band for whatever reasons. They are not musicians, but want badly to be more than a music lover or fan. Making grandiose promises, insisting they can help. If this is true, then they would be all action, and less talk. So once you begin to get good at sussing out who's for real and who's not, it's easier to smile and nod and basically blow those kind of idiots off. I mean, they will eventually go away.

Last century, in the early 1990's, both Mr. Banks and myself were in bands that had recorded, toured and all that. In fact his band--BigDamnCrazyWeight--had already been signed to Sub-Pop. (the first Albuquerque band to do so, btw) Because of that, and the growing interest of the major lables in "Grunge" music, an A&R rep from Capital Records arrainged a showcase of our two bands and a couple other local popular-at-the-time bands. Everyone was hyped and excitied and were sure that Albuquerque was gonna be the next big thing, their band was gonna ink a deal and live the dream. The A&R guy was cool. Chill in fact. He dug all the bands and gave everyone quite praise. But no hype, no big statements or promises. At the after party, most of the bands were on his tip, but trying hard to play it cool. Of course it took an asshole like me to ask what the chances are of any of us getting a deal. Now keep in mind that at this time, there was no internets, cd's were in their infancy. No mp3s or any of the stuff going on now that has the "Industry" wringing their hands. And bands all over were getting deals based on the Seattle phenomena. Despite that, he gave me a direct and honest answer. You see, a true "Industry" insider---A&R rep especially---is like a comission salesperson. If he signs a band and it doesnt sell millions on it's first release, that rep will probably loose his cushy "Industry" job and will probably never get hired in the "Industry" again. This guy had many positive things to say about all the bands. The only critisism, if you can call it that, is that all the bands, including the already signed BigDamnCrazyWeight---were too original! In other words, the template for what's popular at that time (or at least in the minds of the "Industry"), had already been set. Anything too different from Nirvana was thought not good enough to move as many units required for this guy to keep his job. And his bosses were not into taking chances. We all realized then, that as long as we doing music first and foremost for us...as a creative outlet, glorified hobby or whatever, we would be fine. If you put a musical project together and being signed and being big are top goals, it will be easy to dive into the shit-pit with all the other fools. That shit-pit is full of other bands, but mainly it's full of liers, theives, charlatans, sycophants and good old fashioned ego manic bullshitters. Coat tail riders of the lowest form.

The deal is this: if it sounds too good to be true, it ain't true. For us, when we are approached by these sorts, we have fun with it. It's ammusing to watch these types stummble over their lies and bullshit, and we consider it a sport to lead them into it.

And again, this is subjective from band to band. When we put this band together, we never had any intentions of even playing out. When we realized that we were actually a band and had a sets worth of music, we were (and to a degree still) convinced that no one in this town would give a shit, and would hate our music and do their best to mock us. It of course is humbling and gratifing to be accepted like we have been. But because our primary mission was to just Rock out and have fun, and because that is still our bottom line, we have yet concerned ourselves with the type of people you discribed. If they are for real, they will quietly hand you the contract, and you are on your way. Otherwise, it's just some gas bag, stinkin' up your air.

Wow. This has to be the most comprehensive and helpful answer I have ever recieved! Thank you Black Maria!
Ella/U7d

You are most certainly welcome.

And to address your other question;
"Oh! And also, how do you keep your hair so shiney and healthy looking? (This is more of a personal question)"

I refer you to page one of this thread where about three posts from the bottom you will find this....

-Trimmed ends and leave in conditioner.

Of course it's always helpful to be aware of one's hair. That is, is it thick, thin, curly, straight? With today's array of modern grooming products available (and the fact that so many cool, Rockin' girls are cosmotologist/beautician types, and seem to dig long hair on guys and are free with hair care tips....haha you shaved headed mooks!) it is much easier to be a guy and learn how to deal with long hair (and meet cool, Rockin' girls who dig long hair). That or be lucky enough to have the sort of genetic make-up that provides one with thick, shiny, luxurious hair (like so many of my bandmates), and maintenance is practically a non-issue (lucky bastards...)

And a reminder, no need to worry if a question is too personal. This is, after all a Black Maria forum!

Congrats on the Burque thing, gents. Y'all deserve it. So I was wondering what the first "official" Black Maria Song was called, how it came about, if y'all still play it, and as usual please reference what(combinations of) chemically altered state(s) were being actively achieved.

quote:

(still the best)

Nice.

Out of the two guitarists in Black Maria, who is cooler?

Your friends BLACK LAMB kicked our faces in at Hyperactive.

quote:

Your friends BLACK LAMB kicked our faces in at Hyperactive.

yeah, we've played with them twice in Denver and they rock!

quote:

Originally posted by Left Brain:
Your friends BLACK LAMB kicked our faces in at Hyperactive.

You should have seen what those fuckers did to our suite at our Hotel Blue after party.

It has been said by many that Black Lamb is Denver's Black Maria. For all the right and especially wrong reasons!

Fuck Yeah!!


And as soon as I sober up (yeah right) I will address Dr. Thunda's probing question as to which Black Maria guitarist is cooler.

Promise...

quote:

You should have seen what those fuckers did to our suite at our Hotel Blue after party.

i can't believe you guys hung out and the hotel was still standing ... and nobody died

We let them back line our drum kit. So it was kinda cool seeing "Left Brain" on the kit while Black Lamb was rocking peoples faces off.

What does Black Maria do if an unfortunate circumstance occurs in which the line is smaller than the straw?

Welcome back to the current installment of The Secrets of Black Maria Revealed. How was everyone’s Summer? Ours was one full of thrills, chills and changes here in Black Maria-ville. We’d like to thank dr. thunda, keeper of the low end for Left Brain, and possibly the illegitimate son of Albert Hoffman, for reviving interest in this thread and more importantly, reviving interest in the inner workings of Black Maria. Thanks. Now on to the Q&A…

dr. thunda asks;
“What does Black Maria do if an unfortunate circumstance occurs in which the line is smaller than the straw?”

What the good Dr. fails to realize is that in the wonderful world of Black Maria, this is not an unfortunate circumstance, but simply a signifier, a queue if you will, that the evening/morning is about to enter the next phase. If you follow the steps below, you too can see how this situation can work for you as well as it does a Black Maria….

1) Take the remaining line and offer it to any remaining member of the opening band. If there is no one left conscious from the opening band, divide the paltry amount up amongst the remaining Black Marias, disregarding (in this instance) the line/straw rule.

2) Drink at least 12 ozs of cool water.

3) Grab a handful of Vicodin. Break ‘em and take ‘em. (Valium or Oxycotin are acceptable substitutes if no Vicodin is available)

4) Pour three fingers of chilled vodka. Grey Goose or comparable Premium vodka is best.

5) Ingest the pills, using the Premium vodka to wash it all down.

6) Gather personal effects, potential bed partner and another 12 or more ozs of water. Head to a comfortable, quiet area to recline.

7) Making sure the phone ringer is off, the shades are drawn and that you have the water near by (always important), kick back, relive the night in your mind and welcome Saint Soma with open arms.

8) Enjoy this phase of your journey.

We Black Marias hope that this was not only informitive, but an example of how perception is key. You might see the zip-lock as almost empty. We see it as a variation on the continuation of our personal persuit(s) of extreme higher consciousness.

And after all, isn't that we are all looking for?

Thanks again to dr. thunda for his always insightful and probing questions. and much like our album, we will eventually get to the answers to previously unanswered questions. In the meantime---- any other questions?

quote:

Originally posted by black:

quote:

Originally posted by antonia:
...I had to fucken kiss his ass - selling him on my extensive promotion, the fact that I put together the entire show and the fact that we played - to get the measly $50...

Maybe you should have kissed a little more than just the ass.

Or sharpen the kissing skills.

Just sayin'...

Dear Black Maria,

Is it true that Black Maria makes their gig money by trading kisses and other favors with bar managers? If so, what brings in the most money? Does the bar manager's gender come into play when decided which Black Maria will do the 'act'? If at times you get no money but just alcohol and drugs for playing do you still do the 'act' or is this crack whore type behavior beneath Black Maria? If not, does it help you get better alcohol and drugs?

~antonia

Oh, a question from a girl! And one of a sexual nature! (but like so many chicks, it also seems to do with income and earnings)

Well sweetie, not sure what you're trying to elude to, but Black Maria makes their gig money the old fashioned way---we earn it by drawing consistant, large, Rocking crowds. If you have been paying attention to this thread, you would know that. Not to mention the pedigree and dues paid. And don't forget that we Rock like no bodies bizznezz.

People dig that. Guys, Girls club owners of all genders and preferences.

Because of all that and more (you really do want us to boast, don't you?), we are asked by bookers, bands (both local and touring), fans and clubowners to play. Suggesting that we whore ourselves for gigs is quite a stretch. A band soesn't win Best Overall Band two years in a row by playing anything other than music. Kick-ass fucking music, performed by five tight Brothers. Come to a gig and see for yourself. Love us or hate us, you won't find anything else like it.

Now sweetheart, don't you have something cooking in the oven?

Best get to it...

ohh g ... No, you must have me mistaken for that other antonia, I'm not much for cooking, I'm the knitter.

black maria is so famous, it must be hard to be more recognized than ron bell. I can knit you some chaps to warm you when that ego gets cold and lonely.

If I'm not in my rocking chair knitting I'm usually at a black maria show apparently camouflaged in with all the others in your consistent large rocking "chair" crowd.

about tight, now there's a thread topic --- a consistently tight albuquerque band that doesn't suck --- that's more rare than a black maria with a crewcut.

~antonia

quote:

If you follow the steps below, you too can see how this situation can work for you as well as it does a Black Maria…

Thanks for the wisdom and the insight into the inner workings of Black Maria. Ingesting oxy, who would have thought!

quote:

Originally posted by antonia:
...black maria is so famous, it must be hard to be more recognized than ron bell. I can knit you some chaps to warm you when that ego gets cold and lonely...

g - did you edit yourself? what happened to best quote:

quote:

consistent large rocking "chair" crowd

and the offer of quesadilla and grilled cheese cooking lessons?

don't second guess your first thing in the morning wisdom ... but then again I'm really fond of take backs

No edit.

A combination of antiquated equipment,



and a poor ability to "push" the correct "buttons". Not to mention I can't recall what egotistical diatribe you read. Apparently I revealed the extent of my culinary skills (creating gourmet grilled cheese sandwiches and quality quesadillas). Did I offer an exchange? Lessons?
(Terry is the real chef in the band. If you bothered to read this thread, you would know that he also is the host of an imaginary cooking show. Nothing imaginary about his chef skills. They are the real)

Whatever. Now I'm hungry.
Let's eat!!